eHarmony
by candyluver
Summary: AU. SasuSaku. When you have two idiots who simply can not get a date, and two bestfriends who keep poking their noses into things, there's only one solution. eHarmony.
1. Chapter One: INO IS EVIL, DAMMIT!

Yay! I found some time so I decided to write an edited version of this chapter/story, and here it is. Hopefully I won't have to change it...AGAIN. ^^"

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Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or eHarmony.

* * *

Title: eHarmony

Genre(s): Romance/Humor

Summary: AU. SasuSaku. When you have two idiots who simply can not get a date, and two bestfriends who keep poking their noses into things, there's only one solution. eHarmony.

* * *

Chapter One:  
INO IS EVIL, DAMMIT!

* * *

eHarmony Profile:

Name: _**Sakura Haruno**_

Birth Date: _**March 28**_

Sex: _**Female**_

Height: _**5'4**_

Weight: _**113**_

Age: **_20_**

Natural Hair Color: _**Pink**_

Natural Eye Color: _**Bright Green**_

Job: _**Doctor's Apprentice...for now**_

Personality: **_Bubby and friendly, short tempered (very scary when she's mad), and when she wants to do something, she tries her all and never gives up. She is one of the most stubborn people I have ever met, and I should know. She is a very down to Earth kind of girl. She's the kind of girl you only meet once in a life time...and when I say that, I mean it._**

Pet Peeves: _**People who make fun of her hair and forehead, cold people, stalkers, rapers, sluts and bastards. Oh and liars, too.**_

Hobbies: _**Reading, shopping and hanging w/ friends.**_

Favorite Movie Genres: _**Comedy, Romance, and Drama.**_

Favorite Book Genres: _**Romance, Humor, Adventure, and Drama.**_

Favorite Type of Music:**_ Rock, Pop, and Classical...eh, don't ask me. Ask her. She likes that old man music...no offense!_**

Must-Have you have to have at all times: _**Her iPod**_

What do you look in a guy?

_**Someone whose sweet, funny, caring, supportive...and cute wouldn't hurt either. Someone who would like/love her for her, and wouldn't lie or cheat on. Someone who would be willing to give up their life her...okay maybe not their life, but just really love her. And change her point of view of guys.**_

* * *

"You did _what_?!"

They were currently at Sakura's apartment when Ino had told her the news. And for Sakura, this was bigger than big. Bigger than CHOCOLATE.

...okay! Maybe not that big, but it was still big.

Ino shrinked back in fear. "Well you're already 20 and never been on a date! Before you know it, you'll be 50-year-old virgin, living with a bunch of cats."

Sakura raised an eyebrow. "Oh, really?"

"Yes, really," Ino replied, rolling her eyes. "C'mon. It's not like you'll be dating a stranger—"

"Oh, on the contrary, Piggy, I will be!"

"No!" she argued. "You'll be going on a date with you soul mate, love match—"

Sakura scoffed. "Whatever. Besides. Online dating is so superficial. I thought love was about, well, love, not computer matching!"

"But—"

"No, Ino-pig."

"Please—"

"I said no."

"C'mon—"

"No—"

"Why not?"

"Cause—"

"O.M.G. Don't tell me you turned into a-a...a _lesbian_!"

"What?! Of course n—"

"I can not believe this—oh my God! I so have to tell TenTen!"

"What?! No—"

"And Hinata!"

"Ino! Sh—"

"Oh my God! So who's the lucky girl? Ami? Ayame? Lucy? Michelle—"

"Ino! I'm straight, alright? I. Like. Boys."

"...really?"

"Duh!"

"...So, you would go on a date with a boy than a girl?"

"Der."

"_Yes_!" And with that, Ino ran out of the room, a wide grin on her face.

"What?! No, Ino—" Too late. Ino was already in her room, furiously typing back a response.

She let out a sigh. This is what she got for letting Ino live with her...but then again...she _did_ pay for half of those credit card bills...

Dammit.

Damn her, and her stupid salon.

.

.

.

"Hyuga."

"Haruno."

Yes. It was their daily "greeting", you could say. No "hello's" or smiles were given nor recieved by the two.

Glare.

And on the side lines were none other than—

The lovely and beautiful, Ino Yamanaka!

The sweet and shy, Hinata Hyuga!

And of course, the laziest but smartest person in the big damn world, Shikamaru Nara!

"Neji-niisan. Sakura-san," Hinata said, sweatdropping. Her voice, quieter than the average person's. "Perhaps we should go, now?"

"Sure, Hinata," her faced beamed, "right after Hyuga here shows some respect to their elders," her face dropped. Dang it. So close. Sakura and Neji were almost as worse as Sakura and Ino. _Almost_, but that alone, said enough.

Neji scoffed. "I'm older than you, idiot."

"...that proves nothing!"

"If you're going to argue with me, please at least give me a good argument, Haruno."

"...you're just jealous my hair's _pink_ and _awesome_, and your hair looks like dog shit."

"..."

Glare.

Snicker.

* * *

_**(Sakura's POV)**_

"So," Neji said, taking a sip of his BLACK coffee. Seriously. Isn't that like...illegal? To drink you coffee...WITHOUT sugar OR cream? That's just disgusting.

I wrinkled my nose at the..._poison_. Sure. I like coffee, but I like MY coffee with sugar _and_ cream. It's like an excuse to get more sugar in your day. Too bad HE doesn't know it.

"Yamanaka tells me your dateless," he continues. I glared at Ino, whom just gave me a sheepish grin that said: "Don't kill me!"

In reply, I gave her a look that said: "Oh, you're dead meat..."

"So being the nice, honest, gentleman I am," I snickered. Nice? Honest? Gentleman? Four words: Laugh my effin' ass off! ...okay, that was _five_, but who actually counts! "I decided to ask one of my high school friends to come in today and—"

Just then, the door opened and a loud voice exclaimed, "My dearest Cherry Blossom! Your shining knight is here!" Our heads turned and...Oh _man_.

There stood in the door way, in all his spandex glory was none other than...Rock Lee.

He walked over to our table and grabbed my left hand inbetween his and then proclaimed in a LOUD voice, making sure EVERYONE heard him. "My dearest Cherry Blossom. So beautiful, so kind, so soft," he rubbed his hands against my hand, which seriously freaked me out, "I am your prince. Your savior. And your lover," he grinned a wide grin, and his bushy eye brows looked like they just moved! "And please," he went his knee, and said, "Would you do the honor of marrying me?"

* * *

Okay, so this is completely unlike the last version of it, I know, but I'm sorta proud of it. This story will go a bit slower than before, but I think its for the best. :) Well I hope you guys like it and please drop by a review or two? :D


	2. Chapter Two: NARUTO IS AN IDIOT, DAMMIT!

A/N: -yawn- So sleepy...been up for over 21 hours...

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Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or eHarmony.

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Chapter Two:  
NARUTO IS AN IDIOT, DAMMIT!

* * *

Name: **_Sasuke Uchiha_**

Birth Date: _**July 23**_

Sex: **_Male_**

Height: _**6'2"**_

Weight: **_143_**

Age: **_22_**

Hair Color: **_Black/Blue_**

Eye Color: **_Black_**

Job: _**N/A (Sorry girls—but you'll have to find out later. ;D)**_

Personality: **_Cold, moody...okay, maybe not moody but to me, he seems like it, likes his personal space, and when I say that, I mean it. Get between him and his space and you'll be stuck in the hospital for a month. Nice...when he wants to be. He's nice to his mom...but that's because he's a mommy's boy. He's also very self-respecting, or like I call it, a BIG EGO._**

Pet Peeves: **_Fangirls and boys...yes he has fanboys. Don't ask why or how, 'cause I'm still trying to figure that out. Whores, bitches, sluts, loud and annoying people (I think he hates me...).._**

Favorite Movie Genre: **_Horror, Scary, and yeah, that's about it..._**

Favorite Book Genre: _**...he doesn't read books.**_

Favorite Type of Music: **_He likes rock, duh. He's a rockstar. Psh. Dummy. (Oops...did I say rockstar? I-I mean...erm...a star! Yeah! You know those stars in the sky? Erm, yeah, he's one of those with...with rocks! Get it? ROCK STAR??) And also hip-hop. _**

Must-Have you have to have at all times: _**Tomatoes...but that's food, so no...I think probably his guitar or clothes. Idk...**_

What do you look in a girl?

_**Someone who is down to Earth, not annoying or a slutty/bitchy/whorish fangirl...or boy, a challenge. Someone that likes him for him not just his looks or money...(I mean, c'mon! If he didn't have those looks and was like 500 pounds, I wouldn't see anyone fangirling or boying over him at all!)...also someone who can keep him from killing his best friend, Naruto Uzumaki!, and can get him to warm up alittle. Even a bastard like him deserves some love...and I don't mean slutty love, you hear me you stinking fangirls?!...and boys...I will never understand that. EVER.**_

* * *

His name was Sasuke Uchiha, richer and handsomer than the average man (and perhaps even God himself). Churches were named after him, fans were obsessed with him as they were with the Jonas Brothers—and perhaps...even more.

From pictures and posters to backpacks and socks that has his picture on them, his fans were OBSESSED. They did everything from buying and collecting Sasuke Uchiha merchandise all the way to Sasuke Uchiha sandwhiches. If it has Sasuke's name and face on it, they'll fight, kill, and claw their way to get it. And one went as far as to disguise themselves as a maid and steal his boxers for Pete's Sake. His BOXERS.

As far as he knew it, he could've be king of the world, if he wanted. Yet, how the fuck did he get himself in this mess?!

Rewind, please!

* * *

He closed his eyes, and pinched the bridge of his nose as the blond man in front of him, grinned sheepishly. Naruto was an idiot. Perhaps even mentally retarded, but _c'mon_! Even this baka couldn't be on this level of stupidity. Or could he? Well right now, he would've thought so.

"Dope," he started. "What the fuck were you thinking?!"

He was furious—no. He was beyong furious. He was _Sasuke Uchiha_. He had no time for stupid websites like "eHarmony" and messing around with girls. He was Sasuke Uchiha, and as Sasuke Uchiha, he did not have time to mess around with a bunch of sluts (Not that he wanted to anyways; They were highly annoying with their high pitched shrieks and yells that gave him headaches).

"I was thinking that my accused-of-being-gay best friend needed _my _help," he scoffed, before glaring at the blond idiot. "You're already 22, for Pete's Sake, teme. You gotta live a little while you're young, you know? No one, no matter how rich or famous you are, wants to marry or fuck a 89 year old man."

All he could do was sigh. Really. How much of an idiot, was the idiot standing in front of him? He had actually signed him up on eHarmony. If he didn't know any better, he would've thought it was a porn site or smething, but he DID, which meant he knew he would have to go on a date with some bitch. Great. Just great.

* * *

Everyone in the cafe had hushed and stopped whatever they were doing, and watched intently, waiting for the pink haired girl's answer.

.

.

.

She looked around her table and saw that Ino were trying to keep doing a laugh, Shikamaru was asleep, Neji was smirking and Hinata looking anywhere but her, blushing lightly.

What. The. Hell.

Aren't friends there for moral support?! Ha! Some 'moral support'. Hmph. Ditchers. Next time they needed HER moral support, she ain't gonna give them nothing.

* * *

**_Sakura's POV_**

Twitch.

My right eye was twitching uncontrollably, as my so-called "friends" were watching with total amusement. Traitors...

"Lee," I started sweetly, smiling. "I'd love to..."

I couldn't help but grin mentally when I say the shocked faces on my friends. Of course they thought I was going to say no.

"....but," I continued. "I only marry men who are at least 6 feet tall." Okay, that was a total lie, but what else was I suppose to say? I couldn't make fun of his bushy brows and he wasn't too far off of 6 feet, so it _shouldn't_ have been _too_ big of a punch to his ego...I hope.

"WHAT?!" he exclaimed, tears threatning to fall. Aw man! Great, now I'm going to feel guilty in...3...2...1...

"I mean I would, it's just that, um...," _**Quick, Sakura! Think. Of. Something before you turn into Sakura Lee!**_ my Inner yelled. "...it's against my religion!" I blurted out.

From the corners of my eyes, I could see Ino trying to hold in her laugh, that was ready to come out any second, Shikamaru was _still _asleep, and the Hyuga cousins giving me a curious look. Hmph. I'd like to see them try, to do any better. I bet you they can't.

"Yeah, it's against my religion," I said, lamely.

"Bu-but...," he stuttered.

"Sorry, Lee," I gave him a small smile. "But the good side is, Neji is single and I be he would like to go on a date with you."

His eyes widen momentarily—and so did, Neji's—before raising a bushy eyebrow. "Are you sure of that, my lovely Cherry Blossom?" he asked.

I nodded. "You bet he is!" And that was all it took before Lee jumped up from the ground and somehow, but he did, lifted a startled Neji out of his seat, and ran out of the cafe...with said Hyuga in his arms...WOW.

.

.

.

I coughed, breaking the silence. "Soo...," I started. "What was that about...Ino-Pig?"

Said girl laughed nervously, scooting away from me. "About that...funny story. You see—" And she scurried out the door, with me chasing after her.

"Come back here, Ino-Pig!"

_**End Of Sakura's POV**_

* * *

"C'mon, Teme!" the blond haired idiot said. "It won't be that bad. I mean she's like your perfect match—which mean, she will be perfect for you!"

Said raven haired man rolled his eyes, before going back to his breakfast—a simple cup of (expensive) black coffee and a tomato. "Leave me alone, dope. The last time you tried to get me with a girl, she tried to steal my boxers, and expect me to have sex with her."

"But this is different!"

"How?"

"She doesn't steal people's boxers!"

"..."

"_And_, she's a doctor's apprentice, which means she's smart."

"..."

"_AND_, she has NATURAL pink hair and green eyes."

_(SFX: Sounds of coughing and chocking on liquids.)_

"I know, right?! But there's even a picture of her! She is one fine mama!"

"..."

"Okay, I'll shut up now."

"...dope, that's the best idea you've had all week."

"Thank you, Teme. You know, I actually have good ideas once in a whi—HEY!"

"Hn."

* * *

"Alright, Sasuke," Kakashi said. "You've got a upcoming show on Saturday for a charity event in Konoha Central Park. You up for it?"

"Hn," was all the Uchiha said, before going back into his dressing room after a long night.

"Don't mind, Teme," Naruto told him. "He's just frustrated 'cause I landed him a hot chick, and he doens't know how to repay me. With cash or gold." The older man raised an eyebrow at the blond idiot, but neverless stayed quiet. Better to stay out of this, then get involved.

.

.

.

"There hasn't been much emergencies lately. You can go home and relax. I hear there's going to be a charity event at the park. If things go as well around here, I might be able to see you there," Tsunade said with a wink, before walking down the hallway, a bottle of water (Sake) in hand.

Sakura just shook her head. Did she ever mention that her shishou, no matter how great of a teacher and doctor she was, because she was, Tsunade was an achohol addict. Too much of it...well, let's just say, it'll be her turn to be the patient.

* * *

_**The others...**_

"So you're telling me that Lee, Rock Lee...the same Rock Lee from high school," Hinata nodded, "Ran off with my boyfriend in his arms?" Nods again.

Jumps out of her seat, runs out of the door.

"Leeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! You are _so_ dead!" an angry voice was heard through out the town. The shy Hyuga just sweatdropped, as she saw her brown haired friend run out the door with anger. _Why do I have such a weird friends?_ she thought with a sigh.

* * *

Well...it didn't go as well as i had hoped for but hey. I'm somewhat proud? Eh... Drop a review or two and tell me how'd you liked it? Or hated it? :)

* * *

**Bloopers .**

* * *

Number **_ONE_**:

Twitch. My right eye was twitching uncontrollably, as my so-called "friends" were watching with total amusement. Traitors...

"Lee," I started sweetly, smiling. "I'd love to..."

I couldn't help but grin mentally when I say the shocked faces on my friends. Of course they thought I was going to say no.

"....but," I continued. "I only marry men who have mustaches."

Silence.

Suddenly everyone bursts out laughing.

"Cut! Cut! CUT!" the director exclaimed, waving his arms around like a lunatic. "You were suppose to say, "I only marry men who _are at least 6 feet tall_! **Not** 'I only marry men who have mustaches'!

.

.

.

Number _**TWO**_:

"So you're telling me that Lee, Rock Lee...the same Rock Lee from high school," Hinata nodded, "Ran off with my boyfriend in his arms?" Nods again.

Jumps out of her seat, runs out of the door.

"Leeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! You are so—" Trip.

"..."

Silence.

Then, someone burst out laughing.

"Haha! Oh my God! Did you see that! Hahaha!" Shino exclaimed, clutching onto the shoulders of Sasuke, as he laughed his head off. Everyone just stared at him, as if he had grown two heads...

* * *

...yeah, totally lame, but didn't have a lot to work with...well bye!


	3. Chap Three: IDIOTS—NARUTO AND INO, BABY!

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, songs that were mentioned in this chapter, and anything else. But I do own the plot...sorta, I think. ;) Lol.

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Chapter Three:  
IDIOTS—NARUTO & INO, BABY!

* * *

**MySpace Status**: Sasuke is at home.

**Mood**: Hn.

-

-

-

Profile—

**Set Private .**

* * *

**MySpace Status**: Sakura is HOME, baby!

**Mood**: Bored

-

-

-

Profile—

**Age**: 20

**Female**

Heyy! What's up? My name's Sakura Haruno,  
but my friends call me—Saki, Sakura-chan,  
Saku-chan, Sakura-san, and Forehead  
Girl! But please, refrain from making fun of  
my hair and forehead please. ^^" I am very  
sensitive about my forehead and hair.

My hobbies include reading, listening to my iPod,  
texting, hanging with my buds (Ino Yamanaka,  
Hinata Hyuga, TenTen Kunai—soon to be Hyuga!  
Wink. Wink.—Temari No Sabaku, Sai Watashi,  
Neji Hyuga, & Shikamaru Nara), and all that  
jazz! Haha.

I am a TOTAL chocolate addict! Just like  
how I'm SO freaking addicted to Twilight.  
Best effin' series. EVER. Period. ;D

**General**—

Chocolate. Friends. Reading.  
iPod.

**Music**—

Rock. Rock. and ROCK! Nickelback  
all the way baby!

**Movies**—

Titanic. The Other Boleyn Girl.  
Dracula. Etc.

**Books**—

TWILIGHT! That's the main thing, but  
I also like other kinds of books. I feel  
too lazy to list them all down right  
now. ;)

**Heroes**—

My family, friends, teachers, and of  
course—

ELMO. ;P

**Status**: SINGLE and lovin' it!

* * *

"So you going to the charity thing on Saturday?" she asked, as she rolled over to her stomach, reading her _Seventeen_Magazine. Ino and I were currently in _my_ room, on _my_ bed, eating _my_ chips. Lays potato chips, mind you.

I shrug, grabbing a chip, and munching on it. "I don't know. Shishou told me that I should, but maybe I should stay and—"

"Forehead. If Tsunade needed you to stay, she would've told you to. And if you're ever needed, she can always call you. Just relax and have some fun for once!" Ino said, her eyes never leaving an article about Chris Brown.

I rolled my eyes. "Whatever, Piggy."

* * *

_**Sasuke's POV**_

Today was Thursday, and I was less busy then usual. I suppose it's because of the concert on Saturday. Why Kakashi would sign me up for it, when I could be relaxing, I don't know. Those porn books he's been reading over the years really has effected his thinking.

Hn.

* * *

**_Sakura's POV_**

Saturday was like five days away, and the event on said day was at the park...so why the fuck is Ino making me go lingere shopping with her?! I seriously do not know what is going on in that little piggy brain of her's...dad was right. I should've been a brain surgeon. At least then, I would have a legal excuse to look inside her brain.

-

-

-

"How 'bout this?" Ino held up a...what is that anyways? It looked like something with leather, lace...and you know what, I think I rather not know.

"Uh...it looks very...painful," I said, grimicing at the leather straps. We were currently at Victoria's Secret, and Ino was looking for clothings of torture to make me wear. Whatever for, I really have no idea...and hopefully, it'll stay that way.

"I suppose you're right, but it does look awfully cute," she commented. I raised an eyebrow at her. Cute? And she says I have no taste... "I'll keep it."

And that was how the rest of the day went. Whatever I refused (which was pratically everything), she either kept it (which was pratically everything) or put it away (which was pratically never). So in the end, she kept about 99.9 percent of whatever she picked for me, and I picked 0 percent. It was only at the last minute, that we went to Hot Topic and I got this awesome T-shirt, a pair of suspenders for TenTen, and Sasuke Uchiha CD. Why? Well Ino has been gushing on who awesome he is (and since she won't let me listen to her CD), and technically I never really did listen to his music. I just heard his name on the news, school, mall, friends—you get the idea.

Anyways, after are "fun" trip to the mall, we (and when I say we, I mean I) crashed on the sofa, bag of chips and can of pop in hand.

* * *

_...If today was your last day  
__And tomorrow was too late  
__Could you say goodbye to yesterday?  
__Would you live each moment like your last?  
__Leave old pictures in the past  
__Donate every dime you have?  
__If today was your last day..._

Ah. Nickelback. What could be better? Hm. Speaking of that, perhaps I should listen to that CD...

Taking my headphones off, I rolled off my bed, and grabbed the CD off the table that had been untouched since the day I bought it. Taking the Nickelback CD out of my portable CD player, and plopped in the other. Sitting back on the bed, and putting my headphones, I waited for the music to start.

Slowly, the drums and guitar started made its way, and finally, his voice.

_Girl, there's something 'bout me  
__That you ought to know  
__I've never felt the need to lose control  
__Always held it back and played it slow  
__But not this time  
__Baby, don't be gentle,  
__I can handle anything..._

The beat was nice, his voice was smooth...I give it a thumbs up. Not bad. Not bad at all. Though I would say this was more of pop, but then...most artists and bands do various genres, and usually one genre is their main genre, I suppose...

_Girl, I'm going let you have your way with me  
__When you move like that, it's hard to breathe  
__I never thought that it could be like this  
__But I was wrong  
__Baby, don't be gentle,  
__I can handle anything..._

I raised an eyebrow at the lyrics. Wow. Well I suppose he could be writing about a girlfriend perhaps? ...Er, bad thoughts!

-

-

-

After listening to all twelve songs on the CD, I resumed listening to Nickelback. In all, I gave the CD 3 stars. It was entertaining, and yes, his voice was beautiful. But I perfered harder stuff, you know?

* * *

_**Ino's POV**_

_Riiing! Riiing!_ Our house phone started ringing. Why we have a house phone, when Sakura and I both have cellphones, I have NO idea.

"Moshi, Moshi?" I answered.

"Uh, hey," a male voice said on the other end. "This wouldn't be, uh," I could hear paper rustling on the other side, "where Sakura Haruno resides?"

"You know Sakura?" I asked.

"Well, not exactly...are you her?"

"No. I'm her bestfriend slash housemate, Ino Yamanka. May I ask, who you are?"

"Well I'm Naruto Uzumaki—believe it!—and, you see, I kind of signed by bestie on eHarmony, and he sort of got matched up with this chick called Sakura Haruno, and—"

"Omigosh! Yes!"

"Huh?"

"I mean, Sakura will be more than happy to go on a date with your bestfriend!"

"Well, um, actually, you see. My bestfriend is very...um, cold, and I'm having a hard time to get him to go on the date itself," he said.

I snorted. "That goes for the two of us."

"Yeah...anyways, I was wondering that if Sakura might be interested, she could help me to get him to come. You know, try to seduce him and all that shit."

I could feel a grin crawl up on my face. "Of course, Sakura would be interested. And I'll even help get those soon-to-be love birds together!"

"Seriously? Thanks, man. 'Cause Teme was about to rip by intestints out any sec—"

"Teme?" I raised an eyebrow. "He's a bastard? I—"

"No! No! No! Like, he IS a bastard, but he has a heart! I mean, once you get to know him, he really ain't such a bad guy...," he trailed off.

"Okay, well I gotta know abit 'bout the guy." We only had one computer, and it's in Sakura's room and you want to know how hard it was to just get in there? _Alone_?

"Well his name is Sauske Uchiha—" Oh my God! Oh my God! I let out an ear splitting scream (even for my standards). So loud, I could've sworn one of the windows cracked. Just then, Sakura came running out of her room, holding a bat.

"What's wrong Ino?! Is there a burglar?" she asked, holding onto the bat in defense mode. At least when there IS a burglar, we'll be safe.

"Uh, no! It was just a...a dust bunny! Yeah, a dust bunny," I said lamely, scratching my head.

She threw a look that said "I-don't-believe-you" before walking back to her room.

"Hello?" I asked into the phone when I was sure Sakura was gone.

"Owww! Dammit! You sure have a loud voice," he complained over the phone.

I huffed. "Well sorry. It's not my fault that your the bestfriend to Sasuke Uchiha."

"Well maybe I shouldn't have said that..."

"I'm not complaining, cause at least I know who the guy is. But please, carry on."

"Uh, well he's tall."

"Yeah?"

"He's male."

I rolled my eyes. "Go on."

"He doesn't like girls."

I spat out the green tea I was drinking. "WHAT?! HE'S GAY?!"

"Well...no. It's just that...he's never dated a girl or anything...but that's like the same for males too!"

"Damn. He sounds hard to crack. I'm going to have to turn to Operation TSM."

"Operation TSM? What the fuck?"

"Operation TSM is **T**otal **S**educe **M**akeover."

"...okaaaay." He snorted.

"Hey! Are you doubting seducing skills?!"

"No m'am."

Hmph. A sarcastic idiot. Not nice!

"Whatever. So when's the date?"

"Well knowing Sasuke...he would probably take her to some fancy restaurant. He has this favorite restaurant that's name is SO weird. It's like Octo...ti...lia....xnay?"

"What. The. Fuck?"

"I don't know. I'm just remembering my memory and that's not saying much."

"Sure, sure." I turned on the tv, and sat on the couch. "Okay. Fancy restaurant, check. Cold attitude, check. Tall built, check. Beautiful voice, check—"

"I never said he had a beautiful voice!"

"I know, but c'mon! He does. Ever listened to his music?"

"Well yeah, but he's not all that great."

"Pft. What kind of bestfriend are you? He's won Grammies and all that shit!"

"Well sorry! I'm not a fangirl!"

"Hey! Take that back!"

"Make me, Blondie!"

"Hey! How'd you know I was blond!"

"I actually didn't know that...but ha! You are! Which explains why you sound so blond."

"HEY! Shut it, blond!"

"HOW DID YOU KNOW I'M BLOND, YOU STALKER?!"

"I didn't, idiot!"

"Hey, I'm not an idiot!"

"Yeah, you are...idiot!"

"Shut it, bitch!"

"I am not a bitch!"

"Bitch! Bitch! Bitch!"

"AURGH! SHUT IT, BAKA!"

"NEVERRRR!"

"SHUT IT YOU FUCK'N—uh, hi, Sakura. How are you?" I laughed nervously, as Sakura stood there, arms folded, glaring.

"Why are you yelling, Ino?" she asked. I noticed the book in her hand, and knew I was in deep shit. See. You never, and I mean _never_ mess with Sakura and her "book time", as I like to call it. She's so obsessed with books, and if she's so deep in a certain one...well let's just say that if you ever get between her and that book, you better get on your running shoes if you want to live!

"Uh, I was...ordering pizza?" I said.

She rolled her eyes. "So you were yelling and calling the dude a baka?"

"Yeah 'cause he...um, asked if I wanted white bread. I mean _hello_? Psh. White bread? Ha! That's a laugh," I said, laughing fakely.

Sakura raised an eyebrow. "So what was all that stuff about blonds and stalkers?"

"Uh. Well you see. Funny story...," I said, desperately searching for an answer. Sakura is waay too smart for her own good, I swear.

"Yo! Are you Sakura Haruno?!" Naruto's voice exclaimed from the phone. Sakura looked at the phone, as I covered the hearing part with my hand.

"What was that Ino?" she asked, taking a step forward.

"Uh, well, um...nothing!" I quickly slammed the phone down the receiver, making her jump back alittle. "I-I," I sighed. "Fine. You caught me. I was ordering a wedding cake for you and I guess you caught me."

"I'm not getting married any time soon, Ino."

"I know that! It was um, for well...uh...to eat! You know. Wedding cakes are so delicious!" I exclaimed.

"But wedding cakes are for wed—"

"This is a damn free country, and I'm a fucking citizen, and as a freaking citizen, can I order a damn wedding cake without having to be questioned?" I told her. I probably sounded like a weirdo but hey, you understand right? This was for her. Not me. HER.

"Alright, alright. Sheesh. Just asking," she said, holding up her hands defensively, before leaving. When she finally left, I sighed, and slumped back on the couch. Smooth, Ino. Smooth.

....

Oh shit.

I forgot to ask the idiot's number. Ugh...

* * *

To: Sakura Haruno // cherrybaby28(at)konoha(dot)com //

From: eHarmony // eHarmonyInc(at)konoha(dot)com //

Greetings Friends!

I speak for everyone at eHarmony, when I thank you for trying our "opposite-attract trial"! You've heard rumors, watched movies where two people, total opposites, attract! Well let's put it to the test! Remember. The trial is free—if you and your "opposite mate" are not in harmony, the cost is none. :) But I can say, with total confidence that it will.

Sincerely,  
_Joe Blick_

* * *

A/N: Okie dokie, then. That was the longest chapter I have ever wrote for this story. =] And I have a feeling it'll get longer...please review! :) Also, I have no idea where I got the name "Joe Blick" from. o_O Out of randomness, I suppose...? Lol.


	4. Chap Four: CONCERT, BF's & SCREAMING

New poll? Vote? :D

* * *

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, eHarmony, or anything else but the plot. ...I think. o.O

-

**Note: SMALL re-write. It's pretty much the same chapter. Slightly different around the end. Maybe different song, some different dialogue, I fixed some errors, may have add some, too, and er, yeah. Also, embarressingly enough, there was a mistake in the summary that I didn't noticed til NOW. "...can't keep poking their noses..." Geez... =.= **

* * *

Chapter Four:  
CONCERT, BF's & SCREAMING GIRLS, BITCHH!

* * *

A sigh passed through a pair of pale, thin lips, an annoyed look worn across his face. He was going to have to perform for some charity event in three hours, and he really, really did not want to go. It was peaceful Saturday day, and while he SHOULD be in his boxers, hanging his mansion, he was, in fact, instead, in his limo, heading for said destination.

"Don't be too sad, Teme! I mean there will be lots of babes there!" his highly annoying, highly perverted, and _way _too hyper best friend exclaimed. He threw a glare at the blond idiot, but stayed quiet.

_I forgot he was coming with me..._, he thought, sighing.

* * *

-

-

-

MySpace Status: **Sasuke** is annoyed.

Mood: Hn.

-

-

-

Profile—

**Age**: 22

**Male**

Hn.

Name: Sasuke Uchiha

Age: 22

Birthday: 7/23

Where: N/A

**General**—

Hn.

**Music**—

Rock.

**Movies**—

Horror.

**Books**—

Tch.

**Heroes**—

...

**Status**: Single

* * *

-0-

**ONE WEEK AGO** .

-0-

"This," he started, "is crap, Naruto."

"What?!" the blonde teen exclaimed. "What's wrong with it! Just to let you know, I spent _hours_ working on that."

"Che. Why am I not surprised? It takes you 30 minutes to figure out how to open a door."

"NUH-UH! I spent hours leaning under a hot light bulb, writing this, and you _will _sing this, Teme!"

"This is pop."

"So?'

"I don't do pop."

"But—"

"And what am I? Justin Timberlake?"

"Psh. You wish. Justin Timberlake brought _sexy back_, yo!"

"..."

"C'mon! Pretty please with a cherry on top?"

"...that was so gay."

* * *

"What?"

"You heard me, Sasuke. You. Will. Sing. This. Song," Kakashi said, happily, as Sasuke glared at his so-called best friend who was standing next to him.

"Dope," he growled.

"No need to be mad at him, Sasuke," he said. "You really do need more variety. Rock is good, but more is better. And this, this is what Jiraiya would call, _pure genius_!"

He glared.

Naruto grinned.

Kakashi smiled.

"Don't worry, Sasu-chan. Just leave everything to Uncle Kakashi."

"..."

"..."

"I think he's joined the dark side, Teme."

Sigh. "I knew I should've fired Orochimaru sooner."

Twitch.

* * *

—Saturday. Present.

__

Dirty desire,  
Dirty desire,  
Dirty desire...

.

_There's something that's been growing inside of me  
(Uh uh, baby baby, uh uh baby baby)  
I haven't been myself since we met last week  
(Uh uh, baby baby, uh uh baby baby)_

He groaned inwardly. This was what he needed. To be attacked by horny, rabid fan girls and boys. Nice. Just nice.

-

0

-

**_T_** h r e e **H** o u r s _**E**_ a r l i e r

-

0

-

"I'm not going to prom, Ino."

"Well, _der_. I know you're not going to the prom, Forehead! Our Senior prom passed like two years ago!"

"Then what the fuck are you making me wear this?"

"Wear what?"

"_This_!"

"What about it?"

"It's a freaking damn dress, Ino-pig."

"You're point, Forehead Girl?"

"We're going to the PARK. NOT to a wedding."

"Well, sorry if I wanted you to look your best."

"For what?!"

"Not what. _**Who**_."

"...what are you plotting, Piggy?"

"Oh, nothing. Nothing at all."

"Ino...," Sakura said, warningly.

Whistles innocently.

Frown. "Ino. Tell me."

Continues to whistle innocently.

Sigh. "You suck, you know that."

Grin. "But you love me!"

"I still have no clue how."

* * *

"Hurry up, Forehead! We're gonna be late!"

"For what?! It's only 10 o' clock! The dang concert won't even start 'til noon!"

"Yeah, but I need to find good parking!"

"...uh huh. Sure."

"See? Now _hurry_, please!"

"Whatever, Piggy!"

_**. . . 23 seconds later.**_

"YOU DONE YET, FOREHEAD GIRL?!"

"No! Just wait, damn it!"

_**. . . 1 minute later.**_

"Done _now_?!"

"NO!"

_**. . . 1 hour, 23 minutes, and 43 seconds LATER.**_

-snore-

"I'm done! Sorry about the wait. I fell asleep reading my book. I really should start sleeping earlier...Ino?"

-snore-

"Piggy! Wakey, wakey."

-snore-

"Ino," she said, in a sing-song voice.

-snore-

"Dang. You snore loud."

-SNORE-

_SLAP!_

"OWWWIIIE!"

"Hahahaha—"

"WHAT THE HECK WAS THAT FOR, FOREHEAD?!"

"I tried waking you up, nicely, but you kept SNORING, so I had to slap you."

"I do **not** snore!"

"Psh. Yeah, you do!"

"Nuh uh!"

"Uh huh!"

"Nuh uh!"

"Uh huh!"

"Nuh uh!"

"Uh huh!"

"Nuh uh!"

_**. . . 30 minutes LATER.**_

"Uh huh!"

"Nuh uh!"

"Uh huh!"

"Nuh—oh fucking shit! Thanks, Forehead! Now, we're gonna be late!"

"What the heck are you talking about? We still hav—"

"We only have about 7 minutes, and 28 more seconds left, Forehead!" And with that, Ino dragged her pink haired best friend out to their car, threw her in the backseat, fired up the engine and drove to the park like the maniac she was.

* * *

—_**At The Park. 11:40 AM.**_

"Damn. Where are they," he heard Naruto mumble. He sent him a curious glance, but his best friend only gave him a nervous smile, and waved it off. He raised an eyebrow, but didn't speak. Whatever the dope was up to, he wanted no part in it.

-

-

-

"Quiet down, ladies and gents!" Kakashi spoke into the microphone. "We are honored to be performing for such a welcoming audience, so with no further due, give a hand for—SASUKE UCHIHA!" Squeals and yells of teenage girls were heard EVERYWHERE. Literally.

"LIKE, OH MY GOD! It-It's Sasuke Uchiha! Ahh!" a random fan girl shrieked excitedly, before fainting. He couldn't help but roll his eyes.

"It's nice to be here," he said, simply, and yet, the screams grew even louder. Continuing, "We'll be performing fivesongs. One of them being written by my best friend, Naruto Uzumaki." Outstretching his right hand, as Naruto came jogging up towards the stage.

"GOOD AFTERNOON, LADIES AND GENTS!" he yelled through his microphone. The crowd grew louder with excitement. "MY NAME IS NARUTO UZUMAKI AND LET'S ROCK!"

Sasuke rolled his eyes at his idiocy, and continued talking. "And I hope you all have a wonderful time, eh?" The crowd cheered even more—or rather, screamed, but same thing right?

-

-

"Oh my God!" Sakura yelled, just as Ino very nearly missed running over a cat. "Ino!"

"I know! I know!" Ino yelled back, in an equally panicking voice.

-

-

_"Yubikara kobore ochita kagayaki no naka ima mo  
Toushi wo himeta manazashi asayaka ni utsuru  
Kaze no mukou no kotae wo osoreru koto mo naku  
Mitsume tsuzuketa kedakasa,"_

Sasuke sang into the microphone, his eyes closed, as his fingers softly played the guitar. In the back, Naruto followed suit with his guitar.

-

-

-

"Finally! We're here, Forehead!" Ino turned around, but saw empty seats. "Sakura?"

"Down here," Sakura mumbled and looking down, she saw her pink haired best friend lying on the bottom foot of the seats.

"Sakura, what the heck are you doing?! This is NO time for sleeping!" Ino screeched, but was only replied by faint grumbling.

* * *

"Dang! We missed half of the concert already 'cause of you, Forehead!" Ino complained, as Sakura glared at her.

"Hey, you were the one who was driving like a maniac."

"Yeah, 'cause we were going to be late."

"And we're even later cause you can't read signs."

"Hey, I resent that, Forehead."

"Wow! You actually used a big word, today! Good job, Piggy!"

"Don't get sarcastic with me, Forehead."

"Sure, sure."

-

-

-

"This is going to be our last song for today," Naruto said, making the female of the crowd whining. "Don't worry ladies. We'll still be in town for a few more weeks." Cheers. "So, let's being, ne?!"

-

-

-

_Let's just hope I don't die today_, Sasuke thought to himself, as he began for the next song.

* * *

"You know, he really isn't all that bad," Sakura told Ino.

Ino grinned. "I told you!"

"Just too bad he's a pretty boy," Sakura said, sighing.

"What's wrong with pretty boys?" she asked.

"They always, always turn gay. Didn't you know? I mean look at Haku! Sai! Neji—"

"He's bi, Sakura. Totally different things."

"Whatever. Same shit."

"No—"

"Shh! Sasuke-kun is about to sing," a random fan girl in front of them, snapped.

"Gomen," Ino replied, but muttered "Bitch", under her breath.

* * *

_"When I'm alone at night  
I sit and fantasize  
And in my fantasies I love you long time  
Doing my nine to five  
I'm thinking six and nine  
I gotta make you mine  
Can you feel my...  
Dirty desire?  
My...  
Dirty desire?  
My...  
Dirty desire?"_

In about four minutes, the song ended, and after the concert, they stuck around to sign a few autographs, but Ino had disappeared amongst the crowd, leaving me to fend against all these horny, obsessed fan girls. Yikes!

* * *

Songs:

- Dirty Desire by Utada Hikaru. I recommend the song to anyone who likes pop/R&B. It's NOT bad. Not really great, but it isn't bad, though. ^^"

- **Kogane no Hikari** (Light of Gold) by **Noriaki Sugiyama** (YES, **he is the guy who voices Sasuke in Japanese**, so YES, **it is technically Sasuke singing**. OMFG, right? Lol. Seriously. Listen to this song! Close your eyes, and just listen. You'll be in love, fo sho.)

Small re-write. Real update? Not quite sure. I was going to update Hide and Seek weeks ago, but I haven't even started on it, so it might take longer. And unfortunately, Janelle ditched me for a vacation to the Philippines! D: So dunno when that'll be updated...and Omfg, did you know I finished this chapter/re-write weeks ago, but forgot to post it...I'm pretty forgetful...


	5. Ch 5: CROSSDRESSING, CHICKENS,& BLONDES!

A/N: I got to do Naruto's POV :) And a lot of Ino's in this chapter. Also, this chapter is extra long for the extra long wait. xP But really **sorry if the quality isn't all that great**...I tried my best. ^^;;

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.

* * *

Chapter Five:  
CROSSDRESSING, CHICKENS, & BLONDES!

* * *

_**Sakura's POV**_

_Ino! Where are you, god damnit?_ I thought, as I weaved through the crowd of squealing girls. Seriously. What was their problem? The concert was over, but oh no, they didn't want that. Nope. They wanted to meet the guy! And not just meet. They wanted to touch him and do horrible things to the poor man, but not that I cared. Though, you can't help but give a little sympathy for the guy. There had to be hundred of girls here.

Just then, I saw some other band go on stage. Hebi 3. And _omigod_, when that red head opened her mouth and started 'singing' (more like screeching), I swore my ears started bleeding.

* * *

_**Ino's POV**_

Where the hell was that idiot?!

And these damn bitches were getting in my way! Sorry for my language, but god, these girls were so annoying. You may not believe me, but I had to actually claw my way through this crowd. Yup. And all this was for Forehead Girl! Gosh. She better be happy after today, or else I will bitch slap her with my secret stash of marshmallows.

...what? They're fat-free!

But anyway, the only other problem wasn't finding Sasuke's trailer. After all, it was the one that every girl was trying to get in. The problem was, how do I get inside there myself. Obviously, I would fit right in the crowd just because I was blond. For some wacky reason, they like to think all of us blonds were idiots. Maybe some of them were, but I am **not**.

I spotted the area where they kept the costume changes for the plays later that day. Pretty stupid of them since anyone could just oh-so casually walk by and steal them, but hey. I wasn't complaining. They just made my day easier.

-

-

-

"Who are you and what business do you have with Mr. Uchiha?" Two buff looking bodyguards stood outside of Sasuke's trailer, which if you asked me, wasn't enough. What if those fangirls were too much for police (Yes, did I mention that there were like ten police cars parked around the park, with eighteen police officers keeping the fangirls from attacking Sasuke).

I had stolen a janitor's costume from one of the racks, but if you asked me, I looked more like a homeless person than a janitor. But then again, they always did look pretty similiar...

"Oh, I'm Ino—" I coughed, before continuing in my best guy voice I could muster, "Inoichi. I'm Inoichi Takahashi," I hope my dad won't get mad that I used his name..., "and I was told to fix uh..." Oh shit..._Quick, Ino! Think of something! _"...Mr. Uchiha's light bulb."

The bodyguards raised an eyebrow, before sharing a pointing look, but shrugged and one of them opened the door. _Cha_! Mission accomplished!

...okay, I've hanging with Sakura, too much.

Back away slowly. Very, _very slowly_...

"Well, what are you waiting for?" the bodyguard on the left asked. "Are you going in or not?"

"Oh-oh yeah. Thank you," I told them, forgetting to do my guy voice. Lefty and Righty said nothing but raised an eyebrow. I just scrammbled into the trailer, the door closed behind me with a big smack. Boy, were those guys scary...

I looked around my surroundings, and my jaw literately fell to the ground. This was supposed to be trailer, but I would've sworn that this was bigger than our apartment!

I almost squealed when I saw a chocolate fountain.

...what? Can't a girl get excited over chocolate. Come _on_. This is chocolate we're talking about. Who wouldn't? Plus, this chocolate fountain wasn't just a chocolate fountain. Oh no. It had to be at least twice the size of a normal one, and it looked like it was made out of...gold? _Omigod_...!

"Who the hell are you?" a new voice asks.

I took in a sharp breath.

_Oh, shit_. I turn around, and my eyes widen in shock and possibly fear...yeah, there's definitely fear.

There was _Sasuke Uchiha_. Standing **a few feet away** from me. Wet and wearing nothing but a _towel_. Holy shit. Look at his abs! If Sakura didn't want him, I call dibs! Seriously.

"Well?" he raised an eyebrow, an annoyed look on his face. Usually, I would've been mad, but my mission was too important to fail. Seriously.

"I'm here to fix your lightbulb," I said in my fake guy voice which sounded a whole lot worse than it just did a few minutes ago...but then, I didn't have a wet, almost-naked God standing in front of me a few minutes ago, now did I?

"My lightbulb?" he repeated, incredulously.

"Yes, sir."

"I see," he said, simply. He just stood there, looking at me for a few seconds before turning around and going back to wherever he was at.

I sighed in relief. Well at least I was safe, for now.

* * *

**_Naruto's POV_**

I looked everywhere, but she wasn't there. How hard should it be to spot a girl with pink hair and her best friend?

Apparently, very hard.

_Where was she? She said she was going to be here! She's_, I look down at my watch, _already twenty minutes late. Didn't she remember that we were leaving in a few hours?!_

-

-

**_Flashback—_**

_Sakura Haruno, huh?_ I thought, looking at the screen. I scrolled down and started reading her profile. I couldn't help but grin as I continued reading. This girl was _made _for Sasuke! Seriously. She's the total opposite of that bastard, and didn't they used to say, "Opposites detract."

Or was it _attract_? Well, who cares!

I quickly scribble down her phone number and email on a piece of paper, shut off the computer and ran out of the room before the bastard came home. He _so_ owes me for this!

-

-

-

"Hey, Sasuke-teme! How are you?" I asked him, as he came through the door. He gave me an annoyed look, like he always does, but said nothing. I ran up to him, and helped him out of his jacket. "Here, let me help." Once it was off, I threw it on the couch.

Well, I was _aiming_ for the couch but it landed on the floor. Oh, well. It didn't looked that expensive.

Teme rolled his eyes. "What do you want, dope?"

"Nothing, nothing at all," I said in a sing-song voice. It might've sound gay, but just so you know, I happen to have a beautiful voice. And just between you and me, mine's happen to be better than Sasuke's! Believe it!

He started walking up the stairs, and I followed. "So, how was your day?"

He grunted.

"Did you have fun?"

He hn-ed.

"What'cha doing?"

"What do you think, loser?" Yay! First responce.

People thought Sasuke-teme was gay, and I think so, too, but with me, _Naruto Uzumaki_, being his _best_friend, everyone is starting to think I'm gay. And we all know that isn't true but I love my Hinata-chan very, very much.

"Where are you going?" I asked. By now, we've reached his room. He walked in, and I was about to follow him when he slammed the door in my face. My face!

"HEY! Teme! Get out here so I can kick your butt!" I yelled, rubbing my nose. Ow, much?

He opened the door, a smirk on his face of his. _Grr_! "What? I'm taking a shower, and I would invite you but I don't roll that way, dope." And with that, he closed the door.

What?! Did he just imply that I was..._gay_? That I would want to take a shower with _him_?! Oh God, I think I'm going to throw up...

"Well, just so you know, even if I was gay, I would never take a shower with that ugly ass of your's!" I yelled through the door. A few maids and butlers stared, but I shrugged. What? Like I'd want to get into his pants. If I was going to get into a guy's pants it would be Itachi, alright?!

...

On second thought, ignore that. I am not gay and do not want to be in any guy's pants...EVER. You hear me?! N-E-V-E-R!

-

-

-

I went back downstairs, and got out my cellphone. Taking out the piece of paper from my back pocket, I started dialing the numbers. It rang for a few seconds before someone answered.

"Moshi, Moshi?" a female voice said.

"Uh, hey," I said, "This wouldn't be, uh," I look down at the paper, "where Sakura Haruno resides?"

"You know, Sakura?" she asked. So I guess, she wasn't Sakura...unless, she was one of those wacky girls who like to refer to themselves in third point of view...yeah, I'm book smart. I'm not _that_ big of an idiot. Actually, I'm not even an idiot at all!

_(five minutes later...)_

"HOW DID YOU KNOW I'M BLOND, YOU STALKER?!"

"I didn't, idiot!"

"Hey, I'm not an idiot!"

"Yeah, you are...idiot!"

"Shut it, bitch!"

"I am not a bitch!"

"Bitch! Bitch! Bitch!"

"AURGH! SHUT IT, BAKA!"

"NEVERRRR!" And just then, Sasuke came walking down the stairs. He looked over at me, before turning back his attention to something else. Figures. I'm not good enough for him. Hmph.

...er, ignore that. Mental note: Stay away from sentences that imply that I am not a straight man and have feelings for..._Sasuke-teme_. Ewww...

"SHUT IT, YOU FUCK'N—uh, hi, Sakura. How are you?" she said._ Sakura_? I pressed the phone closer to my ear, trying to figure out what they were saying. I could only parts of it.

Sakura: "So you were yelling and calling the dude a baka?"

_Some other stuff._

Ino: "Uh. Well you see. Funny story..."

Funny story? They were telling stories? Geez, this blond sure is weird...

"Yo! Are you Sakura Haruno?!" I asked. I heard some shuffling, giggles, and a...cow?

Sakura: "What was that Ino?"

Ino: "Uh, well, um...nothing!"

Then, she hung up on me. _Me_. Naruto Uzumaki! How dare she.

And geez. Talk about mean.

-

-

-

But being the nice, wonderful gentleman I was, I called her back later that evening. Sakura had gone out to get icecream since they were out, with Ino explaining, "What's the point of eating dinner and your vegetables if you don't get your dessert?"

I told her about how Sasuke and I were heading over to Konoha on Saturday to do with the concert at the charity thing at the park, and how it'd be a perfect place and time for Sasuke and Sakura to meet.

"She'll so fall in love with him once she sees him in concert!" she exclaimed squealing. What's with girls and squealing? It reminds me of pigs...

"Uh, yeah. Sure," I replied, hesitantly. "But remember, we're only staying there til 4 pm, and the concert starts at noon. The earlier the better, but just get here by 2, alright?"

"Yeah, sure, sure. Of course," she said. "I promise we'll get there by then. Just make sure Sasuke is ready for us."

**_Flashback: Over  
Time: Present_**

-

-

God, where was she? The concert was already over, and we'd be leaving in another three hours. That may seem like a lot, but we'd be leaving to grab some lunch in another half-hour or something and wouldn't be back until who knows when!

_Aw, shit._

* * *

_**Ino's POV**_

I took out my cellphone, and started dialing the idiot's number. After a few rings, someone answered, but it wasn't Naruto.

"Uh, hi. Is this Naruto Uzumaki?" I asked.

"Oh, I'm sorry. He just left, but may I ask who this is?" the guy replied.

"I'm a friend. He told to meet me here today, but I'm kinda, er, lost," I lied.

"Well, when I see him, I'll pass him the message, ne?"

"Thank you. Uhm, bye," I said, before hanging up. _Geez, where is that idiot?!_

From behind, someone cleared their throat. I froze. _Oh shit_.

I turned around, and saw Sasuke. His arms were crossed, and he was glaring. "Who are you and what do you want with Naruto?" he asked.

If this was some kind of movie, I could _so_ hear the dramatic music playing right now.

* * *

_**Normal POV**_

After failing to find Ino or Sakura, Naruto walked back to his trailer. Yeah, he had his _own _trailer. After failing his so-called 'mission', he was definitely in a bad mood, and what he needed right then and there was to drown his sorrows in Coke. Yeah, coke. Not beer, 'cause it's _so_ overrated. But when he got back there, Kakashi was currently sitting in a chair, reading his porn.

He looked up. "Oh, you're back?"

"Yeah," he replied, going over to the his mini-fridge and taking out a coke.

"Well, while you were gone, someone called," Kakashi said, his eyes never leaving the book.

"I see," Naruto replied, not really listening. He was currently too busy trying to a bottle opener somewhere.

"A certain _lady_," he continued. That got his attention.

"What?" he turned around, and looked at the silver-haired man. "Who?"

"She said she was a 'friend', and that you told her to meet her here today," Kakashi said. "Tsk, tsk, Naruto. That's no way to treat a lady."

"Do you know where she is?" he asked. Maybe finally he'd be able to find her and her friend!

"Nope," Kakashi said. "But if she's who she said she is, she's probably met Sasuke by now. After all: _A friend of your's, is a friend of mine's_." He grinned.

_Oh shit_, he thought, as his eyes widen. He knew how much Sasuke hated his fangirls, and if that Teme ever met her, oh God. Who knows what would happen. "H-hey, Kakashi. I gotta go and uh, do something," Naruto told him, before running out the door.

Kakashi chuckled. _Ah, young love..._

Oh, how wrong you were Kakashi. And yet, how right you were at the same time.

* * *

"I'm uh," she coughed into her hand, "Inoichi Takahashi, and I am here to fix your light bulb."

"And Naruto?"

"He owes me ten dollars," she told him, smoothly.

Nice, Ino. _Nice_.

"Right. But could you explain why you're dressed up as a guy?"

_Shit. I forgot to do the damn voice. Stupid, Ino. Stupid!_

"I'm a crossdresser, what do you think?" she lied, and almost wanted to slap herself silly. Crossdresser? Really?

"Right," Sasuke muttered under his breath, before rolling his eyes. "Well, I'm calling security."

"What?!" she exclaimed. "No! You can't do that!"

"And why can't I?" he asked.

"Uh, well—"

Suddenly the door literately slammed opened, and standing in the doorway, panting, was Naruto. "Sorry, I'm late! But I had to find a certain person," he glared at Ino, who smiled sheepishly, "and Kakashi told me you might be over here. Do you know how far your trailer is from mine's?!"

"Five yards?"

"Well, yeah, but you see there was like this giant chicken that was giving out free balloons and—"

"Giant chicken?" Ino interrupted.

"Well, it was more like a guy_ in _a chicken suit," Naruto explained.

"Ohh, that would make more sense."

"Yeah, and like—"

"Not that this conversation isn't interesting, but _get out_," Sasuke said, glaring. He's been awake since 5 AM that morning, didn't even get his fucking coffee, and the last thing he needed was two blondes talking about something as stupid as chickens.

"Okay, okay. Sasuke-teme this is Ino. Ino this is Sasuke-teme," Naruto said.

"I don't care," he snapped. "Just get the hell out of here, dope."

"Sorry, bud, but no can do," Naruto shook his head, grinning.

"And why not?"

"Because Ino-chan here—"

"Ahem?" Ino interrupted, glaring.

"Fine. Ino here," Naruto continued, rolling his eyes, "Has a friend that you'd love to meet."

"Right, a fan perhaps? Well no thanks. I'm not interested," he told them, making a move to the door, but Naruto blocked him.

"No. You're staying right here, until you meet her, Teme," he told Sasuke, who glared at him.

"Move."

"No."

"Please, Sasuke! You'll love her, and trust me, she isn't one of those clingy fangirls of your's. Actually she doesn't even like you at all," Ino told from behind him. Naruto nodded furiously.

"It's true!" he urged.

Sasuke rolled his eyes. "So you want me to meet some girl who pretty much hates my guts. Yeah, sure. That's so much better," he snapped, once again trying to around Naruto who pushed him back.

"No, Teme. You're going to stay there until you meet her. And don't worry, we won't let her rape you. Not that she would want to cause c'mon! Look at me! Why would she want you when she can have a man right here!" Naruto told him, grinning. Both Ino and Sasuke rolled their eyes.

"Whatever," Sasuke said, sighing, before going back inside.

Naruto and Ino shared a knowing look, a smirk on both their faces. _Now, we just need Sakura..._, they thought simultaneously. _Wait...Sakura?!_

Sadly, while they were so busy trying to find each other, they—Ino—forgot all about Sakura. There was a huge crowd outside, and by now, Sakura would've already left, knowing her.

...or did she?

* * *

A/N: I would've posted this up two or three weeks ago, but I wanted to continue it. Next was suppose to be Sakura's POV, but I had no idea what to write for it, so yeah, haha... It took me until now to realize that I could've just ended it here. Yeah, I'm slow, haha... But it might take a while til the next chapter...with school starting in another month, and another project I still need to be doing, but yeah. ^^

p.s. There might be what-seems-to-be NaruIno moments, but it isn't! Just to let you know, lol. That would be an interesting non-canon pairing, and I might do a story about it one day, but NaruHina is just too sweet, haha...


	6. Chapter Six: Blackmailing Best Friends

**Disclaimer**: I do not own Naruto.

* * *

**Chapter 6**  
Blackmailing Best Friends

"Where the hell is that pig?" Sakura muttered to herself, as she pushed her way through the large crowd. She had been looking for the blonde teen for the past twenty minutes with no luck. "Damn it."

Taking out her cellphone, she was about to dial Ino's number when someone yelled into the microphone, their voice booming from the speakers.

"Hello Konoha!"

Sakura turned her head towards the voice, and standing there on the stage was Uchiha Sasuke's best friend, Uzumaki Naruto; Though she wasn't a fan of Uchiha Sasuke, she wasn't totally oblivious to everything about him. How could she? His fangirls (and, as disturbing as it was, fanboys) would not stop talking about him.

"So, is everyone having a great time?" he yelled into the microphone. His reply was a loud "YEAH!" from the audience. Grinning, he continued, "Well, I'm sure you're all looking forward to Mr. I-Think-I'm-So-Great Uchiha, but before that, I have a special announcement to make! And to help me with it, please give a warm welcome to Uchiha Sasuke and Yamanaka Ino!"

Her eyes widened when she saw her best friend jogging onto the stage. _What in the world is she doing? _Right behind her was a grumpy-looking Uchiha Sasuke, looking none too pleased with this 'announcement'.

"For as long as I've known him, Teme here has never had a girlfriend which has caused many rumors of him being gay," Naruto said to the crowd which earned an angry glare from the Uchiha, "Sometimes, I even think so, too! However, in all the years that I've known him, not once has he pulled a move on me which proves to me that he is not gay." By now, Sasuke was just about ready to murder him on the spot. "Of course, everyone deserves a little lovin' so being the awesome, awesome best friend I am, I am out on a mission to find him a girlfriend!"

Almost every girl in the crowd shrieked with excitement.

"And," he continued, a sly grin on his face, "That lucky girl happens to be in this very crowd."

That was when chaos broke out. Some girls fainted, while others had gotten themselves into catfights. The sight was almost amusing if it weren't for the fact that some of them were trying to get her, too!

Naruto held a hand up for silence. It worked. Everyone immediately stop, the audience suddenly becoming quiet. "So everyone please welcome to the stage...Haruno Sakura!"

—o—

Her eyes widened in shock. _She did not... _But before she could even finish her thought, a girlish voice in the audience suddenly shouted, "That's me! I'm Haruno Sakura!"

All heads, including her's, immediately turned to the voice.

She wasn't exactly short, but she was shorter than the average woman and because of that, she had difficulty of finding a good look of "Sakura". _Damn you all! _

From the stage, Naruto turned to Ino and asked into the mic, "What do you say, Ino? Is she Sakura?"

Ino let out a snort, before grabbing the mic out of his hands. "_Please_. I know what my best friend looks AND sounds like and that imposter is nothing like Sakura," she said, smirking as she watched the Sakura-imposter turn red in embarrassment.

She handed the microphone back to Naruto, who scratched his head sheepishly. "Well, there you have it. Can the _real _Haruno Sakura please come up here? We know you're in the crowd! C'mon, don't be shy! Teme won't bite you...mostly," he winked.

Sasuke glared at Naruto as the girls in the audience began screaming.

"_Dobe_," he warned.

Naruto held his hands out defensively. "Hey, we have to find a way to get her to come up here!"

"Forget it. I'm leaving," he was about to turn and leave when Naruto grabbed onto his shoulder and stopped him.

"Let go."

"Not until you meet her."

He let out a sigh and looked at the blond with annoyance. "Five minutes," he told him. "After that, I'm leaving."

Naruto grinned. "You won't regret it, Teme!"

Sasuke rolled his eyes. "Whatever."

**—o—**

_Should I go up?_ she asked herself, before immediately answering, _No, of course not! Only an idiot would do that. With all these fan girls around... _she let out a shudder. _Who knows what would happen if I went 'Oh hay dere! I'm Sakura Haruno your future girlfriend! You know, the one from eHarmony?' _

She let out a frustrated sigh. _Maybe I should just go home_, she thought. Ino would understand, wouldn't she?

...or maybe not.

Well, it didn't matter. It was her fault for sticking her nose in her business, anyways. It wasn't as though she asked for all of this. Besides, it was Ino who liked that Uchiha, not her.

Finally making her decision, Sakura began pushing through the crowd of fan girls and heading towards the exit.

**—o—**

There were **three** more minutes left.

"Sakura Haruno! Sakura Haruno! Please come to the stage!" Naruto yelled into the microphone, causing everyone to wince.

Sasuke let out an annoyed sigh. Why was he even friends with this idiot?

—

—

—

There were **two** more minutes left.

"SA-KU-RA HA-RU-NO. Please come onto the sta—"

Ino grabbed the microphone from Naruto, and yelled into it, "Forehead, if you don't get your nerdy butt over here, I'm going to post those embarrassing baby pictures of you on Facebook."

Sasuke raised an eyebrow, while Naruto looked at the blonde girl with wide eyes. _Scary. _He scooted away from her.

—

—

—

_"Forehead, if you don't get your nerdy butt over here, I'm going to post those embarrassing baby pictures of you on Facebook."_

Sakura froze.

_Blackmail, huh? Ino must really be serious about this._ She looked at the park exit. It was only a few yards away. She turned her head, and looked back at the stage.

"Damn it," she cursed, before she turned around and trudged towards the stage.

—

—

—

There was **one** more minute left.

"Sakura~" Naruto started singing into the mic as he strum his guitar. "O lovely Sakura, please come onto the stage~"

Ino looked aghasted.

Sasuke's left eye twitched.

—

—

—

There was **ten** more **seconds** left.

He shook his head. "I'm leaving," he told Naruto. He turned around and was about to walk away when a melodic voice suddenly called out.

"Ino-pig."

—

—

—

There was **zero seconds** left.

Sasuke's eyes widened.

_Pink hair._

Standing in front of the crowd of fangirls was an annoyed-looking Sakura Haruno.

* * *

**Author's Note**: I'm really sorry for not updating for over a year. x_x I don't really have an excuse besides the usual case of Writer's Block and school.

I had really wanted to edit this story (again) before I uploaded this chapter, but I decided against it. I'm too lazy and I would just rather move on with the plot. I can always come back and edit it after I finish the story.

Anyways, all I can say is: FINALLY. After two years, Sasuke and Sakura _finally_ meet. It took me two years, but we finally got here. Sorta. Okay, so they didn't technically "meet", but still, it counts, right? I don't know when I'll update again (hopefully within the next few months), but it should be a lot faster than this one. (Again, sorry!)

Please review. :)


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